Your child, your caregiver, and the internet: Setting house rules about online safety

By Kristen J. Duca

03-01-18 Manhattan Family Internet article by Kristen

Everywhere you turn, you hear debates surrounding kids and technology usage. Every family has different rules and boundaries relating to technology, but most agree that technology is not going away, and it is best to teach our kids how to navigate it safely early on.

The internet has amazing advantages as it relates to children who explore it in a safe manner. Numerous creative, user-friendly, inexpensive (sometimes FREE!), and unique websites exist for children to gain expertise in certain areas, explore new territories, or further their education in specific subjects. Today’s children can use the internet to do everything from honing their culinary skills to exploring countries across the globe to learning another language to perfecting their math facts.

However, parents are not always around to patrol their child’s usage of technology, and the policing inevitably falls into the hands of caregivers. It is a terrific idea to clearly communicate your expectations surrounding technology in your household upfront to both your caregiver and your child. A few house rules to think about as your child navigates the internet include:

• Do not download attachments or install software without the supervision of an adult.

• Do not agree to meet with people you interact with online.

• If you notice anything online that makes you uncomfortable, bring it to the attention of an adult.

• If someone asks to meet you in person, ignore the request and alert an adult immediately.

• Never give out any personal information or details about yourself, family members, or friends (including name, address, phone numbers, age, school, camp, extracurriculars, teams, photos, or passwords).

• If you use a public computer, make sure you log out of all accounts you accessed during the session.

• Be careful of any screen names you create and make sure these names do not include any of your personal information such as your first or last names.

• Do not compromise other people’s online work or accounts.

• Do not bully, gossip, or post anything inappropriate about anyone online.

• Be mindful of your tone if you post online comments.

• Never post your image or personal video clips online (those of your friends, family members, and acquaintances are off limits as well).

• Beware of minimum age limits on many social media websites and respect them.

• Avoid clicking online ads and pop-up ads, as they can contain viruses or expect you to provide your personal contact information.

• Understand that not everything you read online is true or accurate, and if you are conducting school research online, you should ask an adult (teacher, librarian, or guardian) for respectable websites to use.

• Limit your usage of the internet and be aware that spending time in person with friends or family members is the best way for you to socialize.

• When in doubt, grab an adult for guidance, advice, and supervision.

Whether you print a list of rules and post it to your refrigerator, or create a technology contract signed by all (you, your child, and your caregiver), you will want to be forthcoming about the importance of online safety. Clearly state to your caregiver that your end goal is to make sure your child is protected when he is online under her supervision while you are not present.

You may also want to make it clear to the caregiver that you do not want any personal information or images about your family posted online in any capacity for privacy concerns. Additionally, if your child brings a friend home, you should tell your caregiver that you expect her to relay your house rules regarding technology to him so everyone is on the same page.

Bottom line: it is important that parents and caregivers work together to teach children about safety and responsibility as it relates to technology. Remember, technology will be a big part of our children’s lives for years to come!

Kristen Duca and her husband are the parents of two girls in New York City. She has served as a contributing writer for New York Parenting and Long Island Special Child magazines, and she’s author of “Ultimate Nanny: How to Find, Interview, and Manage the Most Important Person You Will Ever Hire – Your Child’s Nanny,” which is available on amazon.com. She blogs at ultimatemama.com.

Posted 12:00 am, March 3, 2018

03-01-18 Manhattan Family Internet article by Kristen

https://www.nyparenting.com/stories/2018/3/communicating-to-child-caregiver-internet-rules-2018-03.html

Child Care for older children

By Kristen J. Duca

08-2017 Manhattan Family article KD Child Care for Older Children

I am sure you can remember a time in adolescence when you challenged parental authority, thus showing your desire for independence. The age when parents feel comfortable leaving a child alone is quite personal and varies on a family-to-family basis. It not only depends on the maturity level of the child but also on the environment the child is growing up in. However, some parents with older children feel they need the security of a childcare provider to help them during after-school hours. Those parents who work may need a full-time childcare provider to help the child get off to school in a timely manner and to be there for any school closings, holidays, vacations, or schedule changes.

As you analyze your childcare needs for older children, please ask yourself the following questions:

• Can my child get to school with us or by himself/herself?
• Would a chaperone be a great asset to our household?
• What is our family plan for school closures (scheduled holidays and vacations as well as unscheduled snow days, illnesses, or other surprise issues)?
• Does my child go directly to after-school activities that he or she can walk to, or is a helper needed to get him or her safely from one place to another?
• Does my child need help or encouragement with completing homework assignments, or is my child self-sufficient?
• Could my older child benefit from having a buddy or a mentor?

Some parents hire a nanny or sitter for older children just to give their children companionship and themselves piece of mind. Because a caregiver to an older child does not have to be burdened with diaper changes, feedings, or tummy time, parents may want to consider hiring someone the child respects yet can view as a friendly authority figure. Ask any potential childcare candidates if they have experience taking care of older children. Additionally, make sure they are comfortable with taking older children to school and various activities in addition to supervising them in the home.

Parents should clearly define the caregiver’s roles and perhaps even discuss caregiver responsibilities with the older child so that everyone is on the same page. Together, the parent and child could come up with a road map detailing how the caregiver’s hours are spent. This way, the older child feels a sense of independence for acting as a critical member of the caregiver selection process and may not be as resistant to an extra household helper.

Some caregiver’s responsibilities you may want to consider and evaluate when interviewing a caregiver for your older child are listed below:

Homework Help

• Is the caregiver willing and able to monitor the child’s completion of his/her homework each day/night?
• Will the caregiver teach the child good homework habits? Here are examples of habits to teach:

1. Completing assignments in a quiet place without distractions like phones or electronic devices

2. Focusing on the task at hand with short study breaks (complete with healthy snacks) when needed

3. Managing stress when solutions do not come easily

• Can the caregiver review the child’s work for errors or suggestions?
• Can the caregiver quiz the child for upcoming tests?

After-School Transporting

• Will the caregiver be able to get the child to and from school and extracurricular activities in a safe and timely manner?
• Does the caregiver drive?
• Is the caregiver comfortable using various means of public transportation with your child (buses, trains, subways, ferries, and so on)?
• Is the caregiver willing to walk with your child to and from school or activities?
• Does the caregiver know the geographic area you live in well?
• Can the caregiver follow street directions accurately?
• Will the caregiver ensure your child gets to his or her destinations safely and on time?

Other Chores

• While the child is at school or busy with an activity, will the caregiver tackle household chores such as light cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, and laundry?
• If the child selected some quick, easy, and healthy recipes, would the caregiver be able to make them for lunch or dinner?
• If you provide the funding, will the caregiver run household errands such as picking up the family’s laundry at the dry cleaners, returning library books, dropping off packages at the post office, selecting birthday gifts, or picking up groceries while the child is not at home?

Creative Activities

• Does the caregiver have ideas of creative activities to engage the child in when there is a lull in the schedule, including exposing him or her to something new? (Examples include knitting/crocheting, cooking, playing music, making art projects, visiting museums, building models, and so on.)
• Parents may want to purchase inexpensive and easy craft projects or a craft idea book to keep in the home for the caregiver and child to do together.

Extracurricular Activities

•  Can the caregiver keep the child off of electronic devices by encouraging him or her to read, play a board or card game, or engage in a healthy physical activity?
• Will the caregiver engage in sports with the child?

New York-based working mother Kristen Duca and her husband are the parents of two girls. She has worked in the financial services industry for two decades in addition to serving as a contributing writer for New York area publications.  She is the author of “Ultimate Nanny:  How to Find, Interview, and Manage the Most Important Person You Will Ever Hire – Your Child’s Nanny” available on amazon.com now.

08-2017 Manhattan Family article KD Child Care for Older Children

http://www.nyparenting.com/assets/print/manhattan/2017_08_mf.pdf

Unique child-care arrangements that allow for more flexibility

By Kristen J. Duca

Article appeared on pages 12-13 in the March 2017 issue of Manhattan Family magazine (NY Parenting)

It is not out of the question to ask a potential childcare candidate if she would be willing to share a full-time schedule with your family and your friend or neighbor’s family.

This arrangement can work as long as each family gives the caregiver set days and hours.

More and more, people with children are working flexible schedules in order to strive for a desirable work-life-family balance. With work schedules that allow for flexible hours, parents may neither need nor want a caregiver on a full-time basis.

However, many caregivers still desire a full-time schedule along with the appropriate compensation to match.

In an attempt to satisfy the caregiver’s needs, some parents decide to hire the caregiver on a full-time basis even though they do not necessarily need a caregiver for so many hours.

The parents use the additional hours that the caregiver is in their home looking after their child while they are not at work to run errands, exercise, prepare meals, engage in housekeeping, meet up with friends, shop for household goods, and so on.

Here are a few ways parents are making child-care schedules work for them and the caregivers:

Caregiver shares

If your budget allows you the luxury of employing a caregiver for additional time to give you a chance to take care of personal errands, relations, or issues — then by all means, do it.

If you do not have the financial means to employ a caregiver for extra hours or if you want to spend the time when you are not at work alone with your child, then consider a caregiver-share arrangement.

If you have a friend or neighbor who desires a similar child care situation, you can jointly evaluate whether both families’ hours provide the caregiver with enough hours and income to satisfy her needs. Obviously, you will have a problem if the hours both you and your friend desire overlap.

If you do not have a friend who also desires a caregiver share, then you may need to do a little bit of researching and networking to find someone you could work with in a caregiver-share situation. Have an idea of what hours and days you need the caregiver to work for your family before you start your search.

Rotating caregiver arrangements

Some families desire “rotating caregiver” arrangements that enable them to employ more than one caregiver for their children.

These families do not like the idea of hiring one caregiver exclusively for the entire week. They do not want the caregiver to get bored or overtired.

As a result, they hire a few caregivers who desire part-time or flexible work schedules with the hopes that each caregiver will show up to work fresh and energized.

Additionally, they believe that their child may learn more by getting various perspectives and experiencing different activities.

It is important to make sure the caregiver candidate is receptive to a rotating-caregiver situation. While some caregivers welcome a flexible work schedule, others prefer a more traditional workweek.

You do not want the caregiver to feel like you do not think she is capable of taking care of your child on a full-time basis. You may need to explain to her your philosophy on rotating-caregiver arrangements.

Moreover, you do not want to get into a situation where the caregiver feels jealousy or resentment toward you, your family, the other caregivers, or your child.

Caregiver organization

Additionally, if you employ multiple caregivers, then remember that organization is of utmost importance. You will want to clearly communicate the exact hours and days each caregiver will work each week.

Whether you create a master calendar or a detailed spreadsheet of hours that you need coverage, you will want to make sure the caregivers know exactly when they will take care of your child. This will prevent any mistakes such as both caregivers showing up for work at the same time.

Also, take into consideration the vacation days and holidays that affect your caregivers as well as your family.

If you work together as a team, the arrangement should be positive and beneficial to all involved.

New York-based working mother Kristen Duca and her husband are the parents of two girls. She has worked in the financial services industry for two decades in addition to serving as a contributing writer for New York area publications.  She is the author of “Ultimate Nanny:  How to Find, Interview, and Manage the Most Important Person You Will Ever Hire – Your Child’s Nanny” available on amazon.com now.

03-01-17 The Perfect Fit – NY Parenting March 2017 article published

http://www.nyparenting.com/assets/print/manhattan/2017_03_mf.pdf

Childcare bliss – How to select the right caregiver for your family

By Kristen J. Duca

Article appeared on pages 18-19 in the February 2017 issue of Manhattan Family magazine (NY Parenting)

Selecting a caregiver for your child is one of the most important decisions many families will make. Whether you need childcare because you are returning to work, craving some time to yourself, or spending some time with your significant other, you will want to find the ideal caretaker for your child. Below are a few tips to help you navigate the nanny search:

One size does not fit all

A multitude of childcare possibilities exist for you to consider, and of course there are pluses and minuses to each of them. Just remember that you are in the driver’s seat and can choose the path that best fits your family’s needs. Hiring a caregiver to look after your child is a very personal decision. Every family has its own dynamics and unique views on parenting. Feel secure and confident in your child-rearing decisions.

Be patient

Do not rush the childcare search. Finding the ideal person to take care of your little one will take time and patience. It is important to be prepared and detailed in your search. Finding the ideal caretaker for your child requires a lot of time and hard work. However, if you put the effort into the search up front, you will be rewarded with the result.

Lay groundwork

Laying the groundwork toward building the ideal childcare situation is critical.

Formulating a clear description of your childcare needs now will save you loads of future frustration. You can zero in on exactly what type of situation you need to make sure your household runs smoothly and happily.

The ideal or “perfect” childcare situation depends on you and how specific you are in recognizing and expressing your needs, as well as on how your family spends its time. It is important that before you start your childcare search you set aside time to sit down and ponder what it is that you are hiring for and develop interview questions based on your needs.

Interview candidates thoroughly

Always remember to conduct a thorough interview and check references. You will want to conduct interviews (by phone, in person, or via webcam) with potential candidates in order to screen them through a series of questions. You need to ask prospective candidates the right questions in order to narrow down your list and eventually pick a suitable nanny for your family.

If possible, try to interview candidates in person so you can see their immediate reactions, facial expressions, and overall poise. These interviews do not have to be conducted in your home. You can always meet up at a local diner or coffee shop or get together at another mutually convenient location such as a library or bookstore.

Be reasonable

Be aware of what assistance you are asking for, and make sure it is reasonable. To put it bluntly, if you are not willing or able to do it all, then your childcare provider should not be expected to either.

Childcare providers are not superheroes. They are humans who have strengths, weaknesses, and feelings, just like you. As a rule of thumb, it is generally never a good idea to ask your childcare provider to do tasks that you cannot handle yourself.

Understand that your childcare situation will evolve

As your child changes or your family dynamics change, your childcare needs will change. These childcare needs will constantly evolve as your child blossoms through the stages of life. It is important to realize that you are not pigeonholed into the first childcare situation you created at a specific point in time.

A situation that works for your newborn child will likely need to be scrapped, tweaked, or revised as your child starts school. You may have to realize that expecting the unexpected and having the ability to be nimble is crucial to formulating the right childcare situation at any given point in time.

Go with your gut

You may luck out and hire the first nanny you meet, or you might have to interview several candidates. Everyone has a different experience, but if you are dedicated to the childcare search, you will find the best candidate for your family.

Always go with your gut, and trust your instincts.

Trial

Suggest the nanny candidate you are interested in start working with your family on a trial basis so you can ensure you find the right fit for your family.

A trial period of a few days, a few weeks, or even a month is a good way to find out if your nanny’s personality and style fit well with your family’s. Remember that a happy child makes for a happy parent!

BIO: New York-based working mother Kristen Duca and her husband are the parents of two girls. Kristen has worked in the financial services industry for two decades in addition to serving as a contributing writer for New York area publications. She is the author of “Ultimate Nanny: How to Find, Interview, and Manage the Most Important Person You Will Ever Hire – Your Child’s Nanny” available on amazon.com now. Get the inside scoop on how develop the right criteria, identify, and select the ultimate nanny.

02-01-17 Childcare Bliss – Manhattan Family-KJD article

http://www.nyparenting.com/assets/print/manhattan/2017_02_mf.pdf